I Hate Make-Up and Plastic Birds!

My grandmother, Anna, who raised my brother and I, always had some really strange ideas when it came to raising me.  A knitting-while-rocking-in-her-rocking-chair kind of grandma, she was not.  Oh yes, she had a chair.  It was an old armchair with wooden arms, placed by a window without a view.  There she would sit, hours upon hours...reading mystery books she took out from the local library.  Mystery books were her favorite.  She also chain-smoked.  Salem Lights, then later in her life, Carlton Lights.  Many a Salem/Carlton Light I would swipe when I was in my teens.  Usually to be shared with a friend.  (If you haven't already read my posts, Tenement Life-Parts 1 and 2, now would be a good time).


She often got into picture-taking moods, proclaiming that...I could look back on the photos when I was old.  Indeed I have.  According to her, I looked like "Audrey Hepburn".  What 11 or 12 year old girl in the 70's would want to look like Audrey Hepburn?  I sure didn't.  I would have much rather preferred to look like Tatum O'Neal when she was a little girl in 'Paper Moon".  Cute, Blonde, Freckly, and tough.  And, most importantly, Tatum had a gorgeous dad.  Mine died when I was 7.

Me, age 11

But, I stray...back to the picture-taking.  We had one of those instant Polaroid cameras.  The one that you pulled the photo out, still wet, and had to blow on it or place in down somewhere.  Within 30 seconds or so, they developed right before your eyes.  Oh, please believe me...they DO NOT fade after 1o years...Hahaha.  What an urban legend THAT is.  All the photos in this post were taken with a Polaroid over 35 years ago.  Nope, not faded.  Unfortunately.


So, one day, or two, or three, Grandma Anna got it into her head to take some "head shots" of me.  But she needed to pose me somewhat "celebrity-esque" (not a word, I know).  And we all know celebrities wear make-up.  She pulled out her bag of tricks, probably from the Joan Crawford Era, and applied whatever was there, onto my face.  God, I hated it.  I'm no psychologist, but it's probably why I hate make-up still to this day.  I don't wear any.  None.  I do take damn good care of my teeth though.  Gotta have a nice smile.  And I never leave home without lip balm.


Oh...and there was a plastic bird nearby, perched on a shelf.  "Now hold the bird on your shoulder and look at it", she advised.  And I did.  Why I hate plastic birds is now evident.    

Don't I just look thrilled!

I have quite a few photos from my childhood.  Fortunately, the ones taken while my grandmother pretended to be Annie Leibovitz, are few and far between.  Most are just candid shots of me, being a kid.  Being just...Me.

Keep that make-up and that bird away from me!